Cultivate a loving voice inside your mind.
The internal shitty committee always points out the mistakes it thinks you are making, it’s there the moment you wake up saying: “Why aren’t you up already? What are you going to do today? Why haven’t you done that?”. This is one the other voices we have in our heads but we have another one too. Think about how you speak to the people you love: with love, support and wisdom. Turn up the volume up on that voice and turn down the shitty committee, until it fades away.
The work:
Exercise 1 – Write a letter to yourself as an 80-year-old person who has discovered all the wonderful things in life, who knows what it is like to live in a loving world, in fact everything has worked out perfectly to you. Now send a message of love and support to your present self. What would you write? You will be surprised about the words which pour out onto the page.
Exercise 2 – Write a little post-it note on the mirror and/or a laptop alert for mid-morning, at about 11am which says: “What can I do for you today?” Use and grow that loving voice inside you – “Oh thanks for asking, I think I need to take it easy,” or, “I need a good breakfast”, “I am craving some me-time”, “I want to slow down this week.” Whatever it is, weave this ritual into your day-to-day life.
Exercise 3 – Go on a date with yourself, yes really, take yourself out to the cinema, go to an art gallery, go for a delicious dinner somewhere you have wanted to try out, spend some quality time with yourself. Be your own loved one.
Treat yourself to daily acts of love.
Perhaps this is a walk in the park, a bubble bath with some nourishing salts, candlelight at home, snuggling up and reading your favourite book or magazine. These small but kind acts all build up to the sense of loving yourself.
Engage in sensory pleasures.
Spend a couple more minutes to give yourself a nice moisture massage on your face, use a body brush after your shower, make and slowly eat your favourite meal – if you would normally cook a delicious meal for friends make the same meal for yourself, give yourself the kind of love and attention you would naturally give to your loved ones.
Put yourself at the top of the list.
Make yourself a priority, it is so easy to fall down the list of your priorities in a day, week or month. Take the time to listen into what you need and be the person who fulfils those needs.
Write down all the little things that make you happy.
Things that make you smile – it could be exercise, a yoga class, stopping to have a Matcha latte, going to an inspiring talk, going for a walk in the park, 20 minutes of meditation.
The work:
List them all on bits of paper and put each loving act in a jar, each day pull them out and do the one loving act you draw out on that piece of paper. After a while, this should become second nature.
Start with self-nourishment.
If the idea of self-love feels a bit alien- if all of that love stuff feels too big a leap for now, start with self-nourishment. Think of it like a gateway to bigger things, the next step will soon come more easily. Tap into your intuition and begin to really like yourself.
Tune into yourself and your shadows.
What is going on there? Where do you feel shame or sadness or guilt? Where you haven’t healed? Go back through all the pain, it is time to start healing old, past wounds. These have shaped who you are. Perhaps this means going back to therapy, trying some workshops in this area, start a practice where you face your demons, it is time to drown out the shitty committee.
Finally…
Self-love is ultimate power, when you really listen to your heart and follow your heart, it is courageous. To quote Brene Brown, to live a full hearted life takes courage. Self-love is the key to living a powerful and happy life. Have the courage to look into the shadow side of yourself and lean into it, what your heart is saying is more important, your heart is your powerhouse.
Vicki is a Love Coach Master NLP Practitioner and EFT Practitioner.
Selina is one of the UK’s top Life Design Coaches.
Find out more at Project Love
